Last night we made a visit to Finn's primary school which he starts in September. Now I'm proper freaking out. We were sat in a hall listening to the headteacher talk about settling new kids into school and I found myself fighting back the tears. What's wrong with me?
I should be ok, right? I've had 5 years to prepare for this, he's totally ready and beyond himself with excitement. Don't get me wrong, there have been times when I've been overwhelmed and found myself counting down the days until the boys start school but it's suddenly all happening too fast and my baby is all grown up.
We went to a 5th birthday party last week and these kids were so different to Finn. Compared to these boisterous boys with their name-calling and rough and tumble, he's so little and innocent. It's inevitable that he's going to become more independent, form his own opinions and become his own little person outside of the influence of me, his brother and his Dad and I'm looking forward to that and seeing the person he'll become but it's laced with a sadness at the loss of precious time I'll have with him.
I find myself anxious now at what are probably very silly things, like how will he know where to go? Will he be frightened if he doesn't know where to put his stuff? Will he know what to do if he needs to go to the toilet? Things which will all be explained to him, of course but most of all I'm worried about him feeling frightened and alone.
The school seems great. Yesterday was reassuring and they are obviously used to silly parents like me with silly concerns and they were quick to say that the kids are eased in gently and will have 6 weeks of half day 'settling in' sessions to get used to the routines. They even get to wear slippers in school for the first 2 years to help them feel comfortable which is very cute.
So, I have the next 3 months to 'make the most' of my time with Finn. Though how I do that has always been a mystery to me. I guess we'll have lot of days out, lots of play and get some good quality time in. It's going to be tough on his brother, too as he's been a massive influence to him since the day he was born. They idolise each other and I know Max will miss him as much as me.
A good thing to come though is the fact that I'll have lots of one-to-one time with Max. Time we've never had. Come September, I'll be starting the application process for him, to start next September. Lord knows what I'll be like when that day comes. Time to have another perhaps...